i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
