Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
