I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
