there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
