His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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