I'd wear matching sweaters with you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
