There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this just has baby written all over it
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
