He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
