Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My balls are so social today.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
