Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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