He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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