Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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