whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
