She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize