Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
50% drunk capacity currently
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
