i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
