Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
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