At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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