I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
