I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
