So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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