Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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