Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
