youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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