thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
