In America we eat man semen.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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