Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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