I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize