kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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