The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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