thus making me awesome and them whores
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
