whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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