nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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