at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
