At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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