We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
