Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
