So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't deserve a penis
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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