I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
