She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
