were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think I won the penis lottery.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His hands were made for my vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize