Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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