Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
