I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
