It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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