God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
