Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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