i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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