I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize