I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Randomize
