i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
