I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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