You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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