yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
