I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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