im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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