We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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