she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
