Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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