Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
