just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
