My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
