It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
