Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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