GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
