part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
